I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
