yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't think brook has ever known best
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
