so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize