Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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