Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
