It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
