i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
