So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
