I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
