how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize