I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
