We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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