I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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