When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
