Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
