so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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