So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
