i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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