I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
