i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
