why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
