I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
