yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize