oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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