I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize