Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
