Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
