When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Be still, my beating vagina.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
