Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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