And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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