im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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