just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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