Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
