That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
