if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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