yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
