I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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