Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
