i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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