I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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