Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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