My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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