What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
