That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
