If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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