the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's never too late to be topless.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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