Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
