just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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