matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
