There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
