He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The air taste purple.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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