Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
