Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your cock deserves a montage
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
