WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
