Non-Jews are for practice
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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