So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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