I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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