My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
