im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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