Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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