There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
