new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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