i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
