As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
