I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
