i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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