just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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