Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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