I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
