nut hugger
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
