Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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